I’ve been looking back over my life and for good reason. I’ve come to terms, that I’ve never been accountable for the things that happened to me as an accumulation of the choices I’ve made or accepted from other people. I’ve always looked at others for the circumstances I found myself in, or as a result of the decisions I allowed other people to make for me from my own insecurities, not feeling good enough, and for not believing in myself more. In actuality, that was also a choice; even if it was indirect. I started out on this journey as an overachiever with high dreams and hopes but somewhere along the journey I ended up settling between mediocre and less than average. As a result of that arrival, I dreaded my existence for a long time. Most people would classify that as “depression or anxiety” because society has made us accept that belief, but for me, I came to the realization that I sold myself short.
What happens when the ship that you’ve been waiting on to take you far away has sailed and not because you’re uninvited— but when it arrived you simply didn’t board? Well, thats where I was for a long time with a first class boarding pass in my hand for the trip of a lifetime that was hand selected and curated by God. However, the mundane pleasantries of the world barely satisfied an insatiable appetite for more. I was presented with a selection of things that I never needed—designed to detour me further away from my God given purpose and destiny.
It pained me.
I woke up to a life that wasn’t fit for me. A Queen, an Heir to the throne of a Royal Priesthood that I belonged to as a believer of Christ; A dearly beloved daughter of the most High God. What started out as a mere escape from the confines of the palace walls escalated into the kidnapping of an heir with a ransom that didn’t even exist. Why? Well, I recognized that the demands that were in negotiation weren’t actually designed to free someone that was already set free.
I was in awe. Literally left speechless from the discovery of the depths of my own soul. Again, I’ve never been accountable or even spoke that truth before now and it doesn’t feel awkward coming out— It’s almost as if the greatest parts of me were desperate for that conclusion in the plot of the story of my life to be revealed. I was the self-actualization of the plans of the enemy and my biggest threat. I was the villain of my own story that emerged as the result of the original in the prequel going out of style and choosing to retire. I was trapped in a cycle of sequels and the story line revolved around me being left behind without the rights to my own Victory: UNTIL NOW.
Do you know what insanity is?
The intent to do the exact same thing, while expecting to see a different result. Whats worse is that instead of identifying that it was you all along, we choose a new person of interest to victimize due to our own trauma and innate abilities. We’ve been the error to our own programming all along. Without the awareness of truth— we’d never know that we’ve been the latest software update thats required for our system to function and operate without the previous system glitches. I actually use to despise getting phone upgrades because I’d think to myself, “What’s the point when it’s the same phone being re-distributed over and over again for profit.” When in actuality the relevance of the latest technology is the true gift of study and it’s a testament of self-discipline, love and dedication to the creative pursuit which is purpose. It’s a profound discovery if you ask me and I’m impressed more than I thought I’d be with how willing our mind desires to share with us when the growth switch is flicked on. I’ve been uncovering the root of my essence and seeking out God for truth pertaining to the “FEELS” that tried to bind me in time, space and location.
The Bible tells us that God will gather us back from all of the places that we’ve been scattered, according to Ezekiel 11:17.
Prior to this moment, I don’t think I truly understood what that meant. However, the scattering that I believe he’s referring to, combines the experiences, narration and feelings that are deeply rooted and hidden in the mind. As a result of that synopsis the spirit has gotten weary. Furthermore, we’ve found ourselves depleted from the invitations our darkness sent forth, while trying to hide in the epitome of overcrowded complacency. Although we’re humans having an active observation, trying to justify and make sense of this world, we’re not apart of it. God never made us to conform or to fit in, however, we somehow decided to immerse ourselves in the midst of it and that’s caused us to forget who we are.
It’s time for us to remember—
Today is your moment of shifting, preservation, loosing, unbinding and ascension.
What was meant to be said and found is already in your possession and now it’s time to take it captive and conquer.
Are we eye to eye with this truth, my brothers and sisters-
Welcome to the FEELS Journey!